Squirrel

As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly. (Proverbs 26:11)

Oh! He is so smart! And persistent. And the girth of his plump furry body testifies to the success of his thieving ways!

He showed up at my bird feeder early this spring. I sicced Chico, our “chug,” on him a couple of times, but that only deterred him as long as Chico patrolled the back yard. Once Chico returned inside, he was at it again.

I shooed him off a couple of times, but he never went far. As soon as I went into the house, he was at the bird feeder again. So I thought maybe I should go have a talk with him to see if we could come to an agreement. The next time he showed up I walked up to him slowly in a non-threatening way. When I got within four feet of him, he hopped off the feeder and perched on the fence to see what I would do.

I looked him in the eye and spoke softly. “Hey, Squirrel. I put this seed out for birds, not for squirrels. If I wanted to feed you and your buddies, I would have made it more convenient for you. As it is, you have managed to outwit all the obstacles I’ve employed to keep you off of this feeder. I appreciate your cunning, but I would appreciate it more if you stopped getting fat on the seed I put out for the birds.”

He just stared me, as if to say, “What do you plan to do about it?” I could see that reasoning would get me nowhere with this critter. So, I waved my arms and ordered, “Get out of here, Squirrel!” He left but came back about ten minutes later. That’s it! I dug up my old pellet pistol, loaded it with a fresh CO2 cartridge, and filled the magazine with lead pellets. I went to the back door and slowly walked to a place where I could get a clear shot. Squirrel acknowledged me but kept on eating. I took careful aim and slowly squeezed the trigger. Poof! Nothing happened. Squirrel kept eating. I squeezed the trigger again. Poof! Again, nothing happened. I opened the firing chamber and found that my rounds were jamming in the magazine. This was not the first time this pistol failed me. Now I was more determined to get that pesky squirrel.

Online, I found a nice Glock ™ CO2 pistol. It looks exactly like a regular Glock 40 caliber semi-auto, but it fires pellets rather than bullets. So I ordered the Glock and within a couple of days, I was ready to face Squirrel again. When my package arrived, I went straight to the garage where I keep my “ammo” and picked up the container of pellets to load the magazine. This pistol holds 16 rounds! Eagerly, I pulled out the magazine on the Glock and went to load it. ARG! My pellets did not fit the fill hole in the magazine. This pistol required .177 caliber steel BBs! I placed another online order for BBs and waited another two days. In the meantime, I kept Chico busy chasing away Mr. Squirrel.

When the BBs arrived, I loaded up my Glock and waited. Sure enough, thieving Mr. Squirrel showed up at my bird feeder again. This time I was ready. I stepped outside. Squirrel just looked at me. I took careful aim, squeezed the trigger, and NOTHING! What? The pistol was on safety. Squirrel kept eating. Okay. Safety off, aim, fire! POW! The discharge sounded almost like a .22. The BB found its target and Squirrel didn’t know what hit him. He shot up the feeder, onto the fence and over. When he got to the backside of the fence, I knew I hit him because, as he hung there by his back legs, all I could see was his tail flicking as if to say, “Ouch! That hurt!”

I didn’t see Squirrel again for about a week. However, he must have gotten over the sting of being shot with a BB from a powerful CO2 pistol, because he was soon back to his thieving ways. I suspected that might happen, so I started keeping my Glock on the fireplace mantle by the door. There he was again with his back to me and his face firmly planted in my bird feeder. I opened the sliding glass door and slowly stepped outside. This time Squirrel took off before I could take aim. Oh well! At least I got him off my bird feeder.

About 30 minutes later, I looked out my back door, and there he was again. Fat, fluffy, fur-ball stuffing his face with my expensive bird seed! This time, I slowly opened the door. He was so busy stuffing his face that he took no notice of the door opening. Without stepping outside, I took aim through the open door. I had him square in my sights. I slowly squeezed the trigger. NOTHING!  Dang safety! Squirrel kept gorging. I took the pistol off of safety and this time the BB spat through the muzzle with a resounding POW! Right on target! Squirrel was so shocked by the sting that, instead of running away, he started running toward me aiming for our live oak. I aimed, shot again and missed. He ran straight up the live oak and hid within the thick branches. It took some effort, but I found him and shot him again. This time, he ran down the tree, across the yard, up the fence, and into the alley. That will show him!

It wasn’t long before Squirrel forgot again. Within three days he was back. I watched as he feasted on stolen booty. As I watched, I sensed he knew the cost of his sin. He munched a little and cast an eye toward the back door. Coast clear. Another nibble or two. I knew he was on the alert because he kept looking back toward the door, so I very slowly slid open the door. As soon as the air seal broke on the door Squirrel was gone. But he came back. Now I knew that he could hear the seal break on the door, so I started leaving the door cracked open just a bit. That worked … ONCE. I shot Squirrel again, but in a day or two, he was back again. This time, he mounted the bird feeder from the back side where he could keep an eye on the door while hiding behind the bird feeder. As soon as I open the door, he vanishes. I need to rethink my strategy.

Sometimes, we are a lot like Squirrel. We know certain acts – maybe even sinful acts – result in painful consequences. However, because we enjoy doing whatever it is that causes us pain, we continue the pursuit of “sin” hoping that perhaps this time we can get away with it. When we learn that the consequences persist, we pursue our desires by different means hoping that the next time there won’t be any consequences or that they will not be as bad. Kind of like our proverb says, “like a dog returning to his vomit.” We should learn from Squirrel and not be the “fool [that] returneth to his folly.”